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It’s ok to outgrow friends and family

By Brandon Luke / September 8, 2017

​My observation of the world around me brings an enormous amount of insight into my life. Every day I practice saying less than what is necessary so that I can observe more. After, I find a quiet place to think deeply about my observations.

What am I thinking about today?

Being stuck in relationships that no longer help us grow.

Relationships are not limited to sexual partners. Business, friends, family, co-workers are all included. The thoughts I am sharing apply to all relationships, but for this writing, I am speaking specifically about friends and relatives.

We all get into relationships for different reasons. Sometimes we crave a companion, society norms; someone to talk to, we face adversity, and a person just happens to be there at the right time. There are a million reasons why these partnerships start but do we ever ask when they should end?

Your life will become the average of the people around you.

Take an inventory of those closest to you, and ask. Would I trade my life for theirs?If the answer is no, then they have no business influencing your decisions.

Everyone always seems to have an opinion.

Would we let the garbage person give us medical advice? Probably not. So why do I see so many people taking life altering advice from friends and family?

Next time you tell your friends an idea, or goal, pay attention. Do they support you, and offer help to accomplish the goals or do they start spewing pessimistic views on why your idea will fail or turn out badly?

Let me be the one to tell you. Go with the feeling you have, trust yourself, and you can accomplish anything. Don't let your "friends" or family talk you out of something that will bring you happiness.

CUT THEM OUT NOW!

Uh oh, now I'm hearing "Brandon, that is so mean, how can I just cut my family and friends out of my life."

My response to that, if you want a life that is not ordinary, sometimes you have to be ruthless. Only a particular group of people are capable of this, and this is the crowd that will get ahead in life. While some are born able to make these choices with ease, others need practice.

For those that need practice, I suggest allocating less time to those who are not actively making you a better person. We can be grateful for the friendship they have provided, or the need they filled in the past, but do not allow yourself to become entangled in the present mess that is their life, do not become handcuffed by the situations they have created, do not down in the ocean that consumes them.

Once you start to free yourself, they may try to resist; they will try to make you feel guilty or talk you out of it. Be prepared for it, let the guilt roll right off of you. A genuine friend would never try to make you feel guilty for wanting something else. Keep cutting the amount of time they get until it's 0.

If you feel cutting them to zero over time is too harsh, try to keep the time budgeted for them to a minimum. ​

On the other side of the coin, you will have a lot of free time; you might miss talking to these people that are holding you back. You have become accustomed to giving them so much of your time, it might make you sad when they are no longer in your life as much. The feeling will pass.

Give your newfound free time to someone or something that makes you better. Go to the gym, find a positive partner or friend that accepts, understands, and supports you. You don't have to have the same goals; support, and a positive attitude are the essential things. If you share some of the same goals, that is just icing on the cake. Don't be afraid to eat it.

About the author

Brandon Luke

Brandon Luke is a U.S. Army veteran, serial entrepreneur, real estate investor, and author who helps individuals improve their Health, Wealth, Love, and happiness though daily incremental improvement in each area.

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