Do not be mistaken by the title. We will come across numerous toxic individuals in our life. We can't eliminate the possibility of these characters from entering our life, but we can improve our ability to recognize them so we can limit, or mitigate the amount of damage inflicted on us.
Recognition and damage mitigation are what I want to share thoughts on today.
Based on my observations toxic people are like our favorite dessert. After a while, we know they are not beneficial for us, but we keep allowing them to be in our life.
Because there is a great person there! At least that is the way it has been with my experiences. Or am I just an optimist? I have no idea. I would like to think the good I have seen is the real person, but who knows. Maybe the dark side is the "real" side, and they fake the good side. It's difficult to figure out.
Since we can't distinguish which side is real, we must separate them from our lives if we expect to make progress on our goals.
So how can we recognize toxic people? What I am about to share is not based on anything scientific, just observations I have made in the real world. Compare it to what you observe or experience and make your decisions.
1. The toxic person will surround themselves with people who will feed the madness
No matter what vileness manifests through words or actions from the corrupt person, the people around them will agree with it, and make them feel like they are doing or saying the right thing, turning you into the supposed villain. If they do have some rational individuals in their circle, the toxic person will only tell the story in a way that displays them as the victim.This tactic, if fallen for, will always leave you contemplating if you're the inferior person every single day.
2. The toxic person never takes responsibility for their actions.
No matter how damaging, irresponsible, or downright crazy, their behavior is, they are always justified because you did something first. And if you didn't do something that day, there is something from the past they can pull out of the bag to serve as justification for anything they might do. Emotionally healthy individuals can forgive and move on. The toxic person clings to everything so they can use it as ammo at their convenience. Again, you will think you're the problem.
3. The toxic person will do anything to keep control
Control is their security blanket. Start taking it away, and a panic will ensue. Lashing out with violence, emotion (crying), or both will most likely happen. The violence followed by emotional pleas, again making you feel like the bad person. Just remember:
In the end, we all have to make our decisions. If you choose to keep a toxic person in your life, they will keep bringing you down mentally, and physically. Sometimes they will leave your life on their own if you take their security blanket (control) away from them. You could separate and give them time to heal, and the possibility for them to come back in your life in some capacity is always there. Or you stay together if they commit to some professional help to work through the dark caverns of the challenges in their mind, and everything can be good.
I would not advise holding out for the last outcome because most toxic people do not recognize they have a problem. Every day I observe many that are waiting on that particular outcome, and they are living less than great lives.Your goals and the life you want to build is always more important than the mental hangups of 1 person. There are too many people out there to let 1 bring you down.